Call for Fuckup Bios! Just you and the nonjudging Internet #lote5

a couple of guesses …

just a couple of guesses … why they react that way:

  • worry about you ending up bancrupt and homeless (alternatively as a dead crackwhore in a trunk) if you don’t grab every opportunity to make money.

  • following up on your guess of you critizising their life: I guess it can be an inner reaction towards the integrity that shines through when you chose yourself over the money, because they themselves are not doing what they would like to do the most. So seeing someone chosing their own sanity over money can create a bad feeling. A reminder of “oh shit, I should have quit this job I hate 10 years ago …”. So one possibility is that they critizise themselves and project that onto you. Like … “If you follow your heart, you must be judging me for not doing it! Because I’m judging myself now that I see you role model what I’d love to be able to do.”


MMMh Interesting, thanks for your views…

I like…

While overthinking my minor and major fuckups, most of them have something to do with not daring to say what I like. So simple, nevertheless, this swallowing has turned out to be very influential in my life. Just a few of moments them:

  • At the age of 12, I did not dare to tell my mum I liked anther cello teacher than the one I was intended to go: For years I was fearful to play too beautifully and afraid that my truly own way of playing would be dashed (I needed several years to get over this inferiority complex).
  • During my studies at the conservatory I had to practice hours and hours on my own. I felt often very lonely and isolated from the rest of the society. However, I did not dare to say that I was unhappy and wished to quit: After having the ‘honour’ to be musically talented, getting a study place in a class of a well-known cellist and winning a prestigious study grant. I continued until I started to dislike my cello so much that I got panic attacks and quitted playing for months. Still today I struggle with my hate-love relationship to my cello.
  • My desire to be more connected with the developments in the society (and be less dependent on my hate-love relationship with my cello) resulted in taking up law studies at the university. I also got a temporary part-time job at the University where they promised me a communication education and further development opportunities with a PhD position after graduating. I am graduated now and did not pursue any communication training and did not started my PhD so far. This time I took another approach and gathered all my courage to say that I like to get what was promised to me. Result? I could start my PhD soon. However, in the meantime (after this almost two year postponement), my priorities seem to have changed – which I do not dare to say….

Am I still not daring to say what I like?

  • I quit my country to live in a progressive society. I’ve found out after some scratch of the surface, it’s almost the same situation: corruption, short-term self interest. I start travelling around the world. There are the same issues. The world is round, so I came back from where I left. Instead of running to find a better system, I should find a way to improve it. That’s way I am here

  • I develop applications since 25 years ago: like Uber, like kickstarter, like food sharing, and lots more, but on my computer. I get frustrated by the feedback from the people I know, and then I start following another ‘brilliant’ idea. That’s way I am here.