Expedition Freedom: Quest 2 preview & call for review

We are about to start the crowdfounding campaign on http://goteo.org to raise funds for the second stage of Expedition. Here is the draft video and PDF printout of the website. Come on, tell me what (and how) to improve!

Quest 2: wisdom for self-governance from expedition on Vimeo.

Second version of crowdfunding video for Expedition Freedom, quest 2.


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I really like it. Visually it’s not that crisp, but the stories are really good and radical (“in the middle of nowhere”). Maybe add another one or two?

Also, I would talk to someone that understands video in the community. I don’t.

Now to the campaign

Ok, the other comment refers only to the video. Looking at the Goteo campaign, here’s what I think:

  • the concept is solid. You do have a product and a social structure ("we do not sell. You do not buy") that are mutually consistent, and consistent with the project as a whole.
  • too much text. In particular, I would get rid of the many "Individual rewards" on the right (they are all the same anyway!); cut the bio of FreeLab to 4-5 lines; cut the bios of the team members to 4-5 lines; add pictures of the team. Also, you have a team of two people + 1 rotational: why then there are three profiles?
  • I would make an effort to rewrite, articulating clearly the core pitch; how interesting people you reached out to already are; and highlighting the work already done in Quest 1. The section "why this is important" is particularly inconsistent with your previous text. Showing hard-working Greeks is not the point; the point is providing people you are asking to fund the project with guidance to make their own project successful, by learning from these Greeks.
  • your English is clear, but there are mistakes that can be annoying. Get someone to proofread. We could even do it here – plenty of Edgeryders with good English.

Makes sense?

Quick comments

1. There is the team of three - but only two of us are going to Greece. Jan is staying in Poland, providing “ground control”. I will emphasize it.

2. Individual rewards are made this way upon Goteo suggestion (and the reflection on the way people’s perception work). We want to show that we equally value every donation, at the same time we provide suggestion that the donation could be higher. The effect may look a bit eccentric, but I cannot imagine any other way.

The rest of your remarks I will start implementing immediately.

Social proof-reading, please?

Following the idea of Alberto, I prepared the pad http://titanpad.com/XgLJdAuhY6 with all English text for the Goteo campaign. Please help me clean my English! :slight_smile: