Today’s plenary stirred many thoughts for me, particularly regarding the impact of this project’s timeline on our families and our ‘Mini-Reeflings.’
I felt the need to put these reflections into writing. My hope is that they might offer some comfort, or at least a different perspective, as we navigate these changes together. I debated where to share this, but as my thoughts grew, Signal felt too small for the conversation.
Perhaps one day this will serve as a time capsule for an anthropologist—or, more importantly, as a letter to Marius when he is older, helping him understand the choices we are making today.
Disclaimer: I used AI to help structure my original ramblings into something more concise and readable, while keeping the heart of the message my own.
Reflecting on our children and the Reef
Today’s discussion was a moving reminder of why those of us who have children joined this project: we want a safe, thriving environment for them. However, as we face these delays, I’ve been reflecting on my own journey with Marius, and I wanted to share a few thoughts—not as an answer to your worries, but as a different perspective on what we are actually building for them.
The Lesson of expectations My experience with Marius has been humbling. I’ve learned that the path I envision for him isn’t always the one he wants to take. When we first explored the Reef in 2024, I projected a “perfect” childhood for him there. Ironically, he wasn’t a fan at first; he loved his room, his school, and his current life. It reminded me that while we can offer our children a path, there is no guarantee of how they will play it out.
Looking beyond early childhood As the timeline shifts, I’ve had to adjust my projections. Marius will be in a different stage of life by the time we move in, but I’ve realized the Reef offers him invaluable “life capital” that goes far beyond a playground:
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A village of role models/confidents: When we,his parents, are no longer his favorite person to listen to, he will be surrounded by 20+ fascinating adults. My hope is that he finds guidance and sound advice from this community when he won’t take it from us.
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Modeling values & risk: I want him to see me step out of my comfort zone, take risks, and work hard for something that aligns with my values.
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A different way of living: building the Reef is a statement that there are alternatives to the status quo. I hope that one day our children see we tried to do things differently, and that they feel proud of that effort.
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A gift of independence: By building this community, we will be less dependent on Marius for care and connection as we age. This is a gift of freedom I am giving him for his own adulthood.
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The “Reef tools” at home: We are already using the communication methods we’ve learned here at home. These skills are making me a better parent today, helping me navigate deep conversations with him about his own insecurities and needs.
The Big Picture By the time we finally move in, Marius might not have much “childhood” left to spend there. But he is already receiving the lessons. He is gaining life skills, resilience, and a support system that will benefit him regardless of the path he chooses.
I don’t know if these points resonate with everyone, but I find comfort in them when the road gets long. Even with the delays, what we are giving them in the long run—well into their adulthood—is still worth the work.
. and thank you for organising the childcaring nursery last sunday. it was really nice