You have a point. Can I get the opinions of @BaobabUrbain and @chantal_vanoeteren?
Hello Alberto!
Thank you for this first proposal.
This pitch is a little bit too long!
I would also suggest explaining it all on one single
A4 page.
It would be interesting to start with a very short and
catchy presentation of the project.
With a few words, tell the people that it’s an
opportunity to live in a full concept project.
A low carbon, zero waste, innovative and affordable
co-housing and co-working experience in Brussels.
Work at a few minutes walk distance from home!
Work and live in a green and sustainable environment.
And after this first short and catchy intro…
Present a more in-depth / technical explanation of the
project.
And also mention that there will be an expert team to
accompany the inhabitants and the potential professional investors willing to
develop the concept.
And ait would be great to concentrate all the info on max
one page.
Good luck 
and I hope this will help you.
Chantal
Le mar. 17 sept. 2019 à 15:01, Alberto Cottica via Edgeryders contact@edgeryders.eu a écrit :
Two questions here:
- Do we want to speak the language of advertising? (“Come live in The Reef! It’s great! We are going to CHANGE THE WORLD!”)
- How much simpler can we make this? I think I am close to my limit here. The advantages of The Reef come from the synergies between different dimensions (ecological, social, financial) rather than by dominating any one of them. Also, different stakeholders should be attracted to different things. Explaining this stuff takes space. Not explaining it means that the advantages become hidden.
But maybe others can do better than I?
If not, can we provisionally work with this version?
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I think the length is fine. Just add an executive summary in front.
For the purposes of the website, I would not want it shorter. I’ll just split it into different pages, and the summary would go to the frontpage.
Maybe there is a balance between advertisment and setting a milestone from which every one will be able to gather ppl and $$ around the project.
Proposals to reassemble this puzzle :
The pitch could begin page 2 from its title to the paragraph on “the reef cannot stand alone.”
First page of this doc is golden material to create visuals for large audiences and nourrish the first pages of any kind of dossier to advocate for the reef whoever is the interlocuteur.
Then, on the second page, the 2 last paragraphs are made 4 investors, its true.
I guess they could be splitted to keep focus on the core half a page, edgy part of all this note. These materials could b used on purpose when meeting the adequate audience.
Same thought on the city level benefit. Here I’ll add that it could be strengthened.
voilà,
Yet, its a deep job you’ve done here. Yet, maybe a finale sharp sentance could b created on the interactions between reshaping communale housing, means of productions and decarbonization.
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Not sure, @BaobabUrbain… at the beginning we need to say what the Reef is. In page 2 we say why it is good, but that only makes sense if you know what it is.
And @matthias: if I could write an executive summary with all the relevant parts, I would also be able to write a shorter version! 
an open praxis for ecological research & cultivation
That’s not simple. Compare:
The Reef is a new kind of living space. It uses the power of community to help people transition to a happier, healthier, greener, more social lifestyle.
Living space: I understand it. Open praxis: I don’t.
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yes but the praxis tells you it is about practical experimentation and learning. For me I got it immediately, but maybe it’s because it is closer to germanic languages?
Praxis is Greek, not germanic. It means more or less “action”. That is to say, it means nothing. Doing anything, from retreating to a mountaintop to organizing a street demonstration to starting a company, is a praxis. The key words are “research and cultivation”, but then I’m like “hey, are you a model farm? Because that’s where you do research and cultivation: a farm run by scientists, typically university scientists”. And “farm” is simple, whereas “praxis” is… not. I had to look it up to make sure I understood it correctly.
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Praktik was my immediate association with it. Anyway, ontology - I feel I got it on first view - vague but specific enough for me.
Sorry, @nadia, that came up harsher than I intended. Thanks for the pointer. What I like in that website is the three sentences home page: but their language, I think, is not simple at all. I’d rather stick with co-living space.
@chantal_vanoeteren @noemi @BaobabUrbain I now consider the pitch to be good enough for starting the work. The short version is now on https://thereef.brussels. We will add other pages from the text on Google (at least one with the ecosystem stuff), and beautify the website. We will also improve the pitch itself, but now I would propose we actually start the outreach work.
Chantal, what else do you need to start your first task, mapping of stakeholders? I assume the beautification is irrelevant, because for now you are not going out and talking to people, just making a list of who we should talk to.
Yes
Hello Alberto
I am working on it and I will send you a first list very soon. I have a busy week now but I will send you a list before the end of the weekend.
I hope this is ok for you.
Have a nice day and I will get back to you soon with some more info.
Chantal
You probably visited it before and now the old content is cached. Double reload (“F5, F5”) should fix that.
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