Hi @reeflings,
This post has been a long time coming, partly because I’ve been taking a more personal approach to my responsibilities as coordinator and sole member of this team (particularly where there are overlaps with the Full Members Coordinator role), but also partly because I felt stuck every time I tried to process the many inputs from last year’s emotional resent, including the various posts, workshops, discussions, and so on. I’m not sure that is particularly different today, but I am going to have a go at adding some clarity and momentum anyway… 
Our group dynamic
Since the founding members of the Reef opened up the project in June 2022, we have grown slowly and organically, and I believe that in the future this will turn out to be one of our biggest strengths. We have had a number of dramas and conflicts along the way, as one would expect, but we have risen to the various challenges and created a resilience and sense of connection that is both valuable and something to be proud of. It is also something that should not be taken for granted…
Emotional maintenance
There are many ways in which we can maintain and grow our group dynamic. I know, having talked to certain members about this, that some people would prefer to get on with the work of creating the Reef, with the expectation that the group dynamic will take care of itself as a result of doing the work together. Others disagree, and I am one of them. Personally, I think that by also focussing on our relationships to one another as we move forward, not only to we start to build a connected and resilient community to inhabit the Reef, but we also make the work of building it more efficient and effective.
So how do we do that?
Most obviously by working and spending time together. Being in teams and taking on roles fosters not only a sense of ownership with regard to the project, but allows for more interactions with other members, both old and new. Turning up for presentations, trainings and social events, as well as participating in the onboarding process of new members, are all important parts of what we do. Team Community Life do a sterling job of creating events for us, but everyone can take responsibility for putting on random brunches, apéros, etc. if so inspired.
Preventing conflict
We are all jointly responsible for preventing conflict among us. We can do this by being aware of others in the circle, and in particular, how we communicate with one another (both online and in person). Non-violent communication (NVC) is one of the building blocks of our community. Regular trainings are open to everyone, and if the concepts underpinning NVC seem distant or unclear, maybe it’s time to get reacquainted with the technique. Another important way in which we can prevent conflict is by individually taking responsibility for where we each get stuck. This can be hard to do! As a starting point, if you are experiencing conflict with another member, it is safe to assume that it is a combination of issues at play, rather than just one person being at fault.
What to do when conflict arises
Your first step should always be: try to talk directly to the person you’re having conflict with. Once again, utilising NVC is essential to this process going well. Once conflict arises, the details of conversations and interactions that ended badly are far less important than the feelings and needs that are at the heart of the dynamic. Going into a discussion with someone to try and transcend a conflict with the intention of ‘proving that you’re right’ is doomed to failure, even more so when both parties are doing so. A willingness to understanding the other better and taking responsibility for our own mistakes and/or lack of clarity is called for.
The role of Team Conflict Management
If direct interaction has failed, Team Conflict Management is available to help. There are a number of members who have a background in NVC and/or mediation, and the first step will be to ask another Reefling to mediate a conversation between whoever is experiencing conflict. If progress still cannot be made, Team Conflict Management will assist in providing external mediation, for which there is a small amount of budget put aside each year.
Full Members dinners
During the recent review of the Full Members coordinator role at the last plenary, it became apparent how important these dinners are for maintaining our sense of connection to each other and the project. It was also clear that it was time to adapt them in a way that does this more effectively, which I will be putting attention to ahead of the next ones.
Reviews and feedback
Another way in which we can improve both the efficiency of the work and the dynamic of the group is by taking the importance of reviews and feedback seriously. With regard to the latter, there have been some concerns raised about how we do this, and the last discussion on this topic illustrated a lack of clarity and agreement. We shouldn’t be afraid of hurting each other’s feelings with our constructive feedback, but there are also times when we can ask ourselves whether this is the appropriate time and place for it. This is an area that I think we could work on moving forward…
What else?
The autumn emotional reset seems like a long time ago now. I recently reread Lee’s general post about this (Emotional springcleaning autumn 2024) and her more personal take on it (My view on following-up to the emotional spring-cleaning: making more space for objections and honesty), as well as everyone’s responses.
There was a lot written about power dynamics, with a general sentiment that we were not necessarily getting anything wrong, but that we weren’t owning, or being clear enough about, the natural existence of hierarchies of influence. Since then there has been a post (How to manage power and responsibility in a collaborative group) and a workshop at the weekend away. I would be interested to know if this is something that people would like to continue working on…
There were needs expressed to increase accountability and feedback, as well as to use the Full Members dinners for addressing issues and creating connection. A need was expressed to communicate more in terms of both appreciation and frustrations, as well as communicating more in general about our policy positions, and unearthing objections by spreading decision-making processes over a period of time. I think that some of these things have been happening more since then, but once again, I would be interested to hear from anyone who thinks there are certain areas that should have more focus on…
Finally!
In a Sociocracy For All training that I did on conflict management, the biggest takeaway was that the way that many groups fall into conflict is via lack of clarity. This could be with regard to working methods, decision-making, role responsibility, deadlines, or anything else. We’re going to make mistakes and occasionally confuse both ourselves and others. But the more we communicate and clarify, the better we are as a group, and the closer we come to achieving our aim. Let’s all take shared responsibility for the way we communicate and a commitment to clarity. Because this thing we’re doing is special and beautiful and challenging and inspiring and enormous and wonderful. And we’re in it together