Efficient at what?
Hello @NeleG, nice to meet you.
Your reflection is recurring in Edgeryders. I guess this is a common thread to the people on the edge. For example, the unMonastery was in part a product of the need for finding one’s own rhythm. It turned out to be very challenging, but at least it was not the usual challenge – it was a different one.
My personal way to look at it is to draw inspiration from biology. In the natural world, there is no one but you to underwrite your pains. Even parasites have to be good at parasitism, or they will die as individuals or go extinct as a species. At the same time, a successful species in biology is definied as one well adapted to its ecological niche, not in terms of how close it is to to the top of the food chain. A frog is not a failed crocodile: it is a successful animal by its own yardstick. Put a crocodile in a European pond, he’ll starve to death, whereas frogs do just fine. By the same token, it would be weird to say that a craftsman is a failed CEO! He is just not.
We should not take the analogy too far, of course. But I guess what annoys you is that you do not agree with the idea of success that mainstream society is promoting. In that case, the first move is probably to accept it, and decide you are going to measure yourself in some other way. Maybe, then, it will not be a vulnerability at all that you do not like ticking boxes! In my experience, it helps to find communities of like-minded people, because it takes a lot of effort to be alone in upholding an alternative vision of society!